Beribu kata menjadi senyap
Menguap sudah tak terucap
Ada
Sebagian tersembunyi di dalam gelap
Sebagian larut bersama air mata
Dan sisanya terserap dalam harap
Ini pilu belum berlalu
Melunturkan aku yang membisu
Di dalam pekatnya biru
Ini perih masih tinggal dan menanti
Hingga kamu yang datang dan bawa aku pergi…
(Eld’s)
He loves me… NOT! (1)
Like the rain gently pour.., pouring so light, slowly chill my wounded heart
And everything appears to be juz right,
But love shouldn’t have come to me today,tonite…..,
And since love hasn’t been there yet, in your heart…
Better hurry bring my love back before it’s torn apart..
For maybe there are things, not worth enough for you to fight….
He loves me… NOT! (2)
When this blueblack sky is smiling overhead,
And you will soon stranded upon your bed,
I will let stars shine and fire burns, and rain soaked tonite
Then I’ll try to hold on tight,
From falling too deep inside,
Baby good rest.. good nite
He loves me… NOT! (3)
“For everything means nothing”
By the brightest shine to the weariest dark,
And already the unbreakable time set us a part
Further than the furthest,
Then I once again hide
(Eld’s)
To : Elda
apa yang tersisa?
Ketika matahari kembali ke peraduan
Jingga warna
Pertanda senja,
......dan sebentuk rasa
yang mengukir romansa aku, kau, dan dia
sepi mulai mengintip
dari celah jendela
menyusup,
berbenih,
perlahan,
dan kau bangun pada suatu pagi
hampa....
hanya hampa
untuk indah
adalah cerita hari kemarin
sebentuk rasa
dalam kenangan
Berlarilah aku bersama pagi yang kian hampa terkikis siang….
Lalu terbakarlah bersamanya hingga menjelma senja yang membara merah menyala..
dan datanglah malam sang seutuhnya kelam yang memadamkan kemudian ..,
dari apa apa yang tersisa di hari itu ...
...kecuali rasa untukmu..
Lalu kembali bulan bercerita tentang dongeng sendu..
seraya awan menari lembut dan bintang menahan kantuk dalam kerlap kerlip mata...
dan aku tetap terjaga ... tangiskan waktu...
: ya, karena rasa untukmu..
wahai cinta..
Mengapa tak kau hujam saja sembilu tepat di jantungku ..
Biar kulihat benar darah, tetesi luka itu …
Bukan perih luar biasa yang menganga dalam jiwa..
yang leburkan aku dalam fantasi luka semu, hingga teteskan sepi tak terperi... : .......... menantimu
mungkin hanya Dia yang mengerti ...[masih tentang sebentuk rasa untukmu]
dedicated to : ‘hujan’ terindah di senja Jakarta
(Elda)
Seorang laki-laki akan menjelajahi separuh dunia untuk bertemu kekasihnya, apalagi jika bukan cinta yang membuat dia betah duduk berjam-jam di bangku sempit puluhan ribu kaki di atas permukaan laut. Sebentar-sebentar dilihatnya jam yang melingkar di pergelangan kiri tangannya sembari menyeruput kopi. Bayangan kekasih yang tersenyum menyambutnya di bandara mampu menghapus penat dan gurat lelah di wajahnya. Di sampingnya duduk seorang gadis, terpaku menatapi langit jakarta yang mendung sore itu, di balik wajahnya yang selalu dihiasi senyum dia cemburu pada keyakinan laki-laki itu akan sebuah rasa yang bernama cinta.
Laki-laki itu meletakkkan cangkir kopinya, ditatapnya gadis yang duduk di sebelahnya. Mungkin ini kali terakhir mereka bertemu, mungkin juga ada kali lain, tapi semuanya tidak penting sebab dia percaya hidup adalah hari ini. Di kedai ini juga dulu mereka pertama bertemu, “Kamu.. harus mencari laki-laki yang mencintai kamu” Gadis itu terdiam, kata-kata sering kehilangan maknanya ketika bicara tentang rasa, sedang tubuh selalu menemukan bahasanya dalam sentuhan. Maka di kecupnya laki-laki itu, perlahan, seperti mencoba merasai cinta yang diyakini laki-laki itu melalui lembut bibirnya. Sejenak mereka hanyut.
"Terimakasih untuk sore yang indah”
“Selamat jalan”
Di lantai 2 gedung serba putih, seorang laki-laki berdiri berdiri di balik jendela, sudah lama dia berdiri di situ, kata orang dia menikmati hujan, sesekali diletakkan sebelah tangannya di kaca jendela.. merasai dingin bulir hujan yang turun sejak pagi.. tapi ada juga yang bilang dia sedang menunggu kekasihnya pulang. Di lantai 2 gedung serba putih, laki-laki itu masih berdiri, kali ini dia tersenyum menatap layar hp yang menyala, barusan kekasihnya mengirim pesan “Aku dari bakoel koffe, besok pulang, I miss u”. Dinyalakan rokoknya,, tidak pernah senikmat itu sejak 15 hari ke belakang, di luar hujan belum juga berhenti.
Hidup ini lucu...
Langit masih gelap meski jam sudah menunjuk pukul 5.30, separuh langit dari bawah berwarna ungu tua dan sisanya hitam masih perkasa. Bulan purnama gagah bersinar, belum nampak akan beranjak meski pagi mengetuk. Langit perlahan merona jingga, mulai menepis ungu tua, tak lagi pekat, sedikit demi sedikit pudar menjadi ungu muda, lebih banyak jingga, lalu sedikit biru muda... semua berlangsung sekitar 40 menitan. Selama itulah aku bertahan melawan dinginnya air kolam renang, dan angin yang membuatku menggigil. Ingatannku melayang pada 2 hari yang sudah kuhabiskan di sini....
Stiap hari suhu berkisar antara 25 derajat, anginnya sejuk dan mataharinya hangat, seperti iklan-iklan body lotion dimana seakan sinarnya menyapa lembut kulitmu. Other than that negeri ini miskin, jalanan kotor, gedung-gedung di pinggir kota yang tampak lusuh, lalu lintas yang kacau, kendaraan yang overload, bis-bis tua yang parkir sembarangan, supir taxi dengan nyawa 19, continous honking, pengendara motor gak pakai helm, perumahan kumuh, pengemis, gubuk dari terpal, tingginya angka kriminalitas, penduduk yang begitu banyak, perempuan tidak dipolehkan masuk dalam mesjid, semua mengingatkan pada wajah bangsaku sendiri, hanya saja warna kulit, bentuk wajah, pakaian, dan makanan kami berbeda. Kulit orang india lebih gelap, di Selatan sedikit yang berkulit cerah, tubuh mereka tinggi, hidung mancung, dalam balutan sari untuk perempuannya, dan laki2 berpakaian biasa atau beberapa berbusana 'muslim'. Dan seperti di Jakarta saat kita melihat dan menjadi bagian dari pertunjukan ironi, di kota gedung bertingkat angkuh berdiri, pusat hiburan, hotel berbintang lima dengan mencekik dan keramahan luar biasa, sehingga berkesan every single dollar u've spend is worth... sebuah kemewahan yang hampir tidak bisa dinikmati oleh orang lokal.
Tempat aku tinggal berada di New city bernama Hitec, Old city adalah istilah yang digunakan untuk pusat kota. Hitec dirancang seperti silicon valley sepertinya karena perusahaan komputer berpusat di sini, dari google sampai microsoft.
1. Sama berantakannya dengan Jakarta, kotor, lusuh, di belakang gedung mewah ada pemukiman kumuh, masih membangun, exactly the same!
2. Crazy about horning! Jika terjadi kecelakaan dan kita gak klakson, maka kesalahan ada pada kita, sehingga yang terjadi adalah semua orang mengklakson every minute. Bahkan dibelakang truk tertulis "Honk please..!"
3. Makanan khas Nasi Biryani
4. Banyak apotek yang besarnya 3 m X 3 m, pembungkusnya dari kertas bekas.
5. its a Muslim city
6. Banyak bangunan tua dengan arsitektur islam.
7. Banyak pengemis
8. Pasar terkenalnya Charminair Market
9. if u visit golcondor fort to watch sounds and light show please remember to buy mozzie reppellent (and expect certain power failure)
10. cheft recommendaton :tandori chicken, roti paratta, dosa
11. price of property is crazy high; food, transpotation etc cheap, so hotel rate... suicidal, novotel rate for single room 180 USD, bear in mind its in the suburb.
12. Orang kencing di pinggir jalan.
13. Mereka punya kota Hitec city
Changi, 24th Oct it's already 19:45 when we landed.. Shut! How much time i got left before the boarding gate close? Boarding gate will be close 10 prior to flight, Flight to Hyderabaad will be on 20:35, so minus 10 min = 20:25 minus another 10 min for x ray thing, pasport and bording pass check, so hafta get there by 20:15. I looked for direction, now we're in gate F60 and boarding gate is F40. Great... rush..rush...rush.. well i dunt hav to be in a rush if i wasnt looking fwd to by a parfume in duty free, i can afford to smell bad during the youth forum and conference. Believe me, its going to ruin my mood! Amika who was trying to catch up with my semi running walking almost lost her breath, i was sweating myself, bit unusual due to the degree of temperature in changi. I never have any idea how big the airport is but it felt forever, finally i got there, the duty free shop, then to my surprise the parfume that i wanted 100 ml "Mademoiselle" from coco chanel would cost me 100 USD, 50 mls is 82 USD, perfect!!! Thanx to my auntie to give me false info saying it only cost her 500 ribu rupiah which in USD is 55 for 100 ml. If not because i've been running all through the way juz to get to the shop before i check-in, i would juz left the store, i decided to go for eu de toilette one, 50 mls and it cost me 62 USD. I wasnt pissed or something, it juz bit funny coz u usually go to Singapore to get better price for parfume u love, but definetely things doesnt always go the way we expect hey?
Gate 40 was full, i recognize some of the faces in the waiting room, staff from KLRO, ESEAOR ED's, the the reckless youth of course. There were Sya and Vijay, those two crazy old people, seeing their smile bring back memories in Beijing when we spent the nite pub crawling. Local pub were awful, filled with crazy eople, waiter didnt speak english, very very loud chinese house music, maybe the dj thought we were all deaf, that nite we ended up having a bottle of Jack Daniels and laughing our ass off.
"Hey...selamat hari Raya" I said. "Ya.. selamat hari Raya juga(e)" So..kalian sudah buka puasa dengan alkohol? Kami kemudian tertawa, nice lil' reunion.
Then i saw Tegan, and Sunny, they looked really tired, they said they have been in Sing for 14 hours.. spend the whole day city touring by bus, riding boad, they left Auckland last Tuesday at nite, plus the trip to Hyderabaad which is 7 hours behind NZ, they have 32 hours of Wednesday, pretty long Wednesday huh?
During the flight i took some picture, picture of lil stuff and detail, things that people will ask if u went to a trip. I took that pics for Rendra, i promise him stories, and stories go well with ilustration.
Arrived in Novotel, around 1 am in the morning, am pretty much happy for free internet access, the room. Single Room. Room 111. Went straight to bed after having nice hot bath.
j
Almost a week since i quit my job, and sometimes when i wake up in the morning i still feel a heavy feeling like pounds of rocks lying on top of my chest. I havent get over it, it crushed me real hard, left me with certain humiliation. Call me naive to start working without signing any contaract first, and ended up being cheated coz my agreement on salary was done verbally, he that stupid fucking bastard which i choose not to prevail to protect the not innocent asked for proof. Yet, out of 15 eployees in my previous office, not any single person ever signed it. And when i went through the draft of contract, the salary wasnt stated. SHIT! Fucking prick!
Seems i forget that we all live in a world where deception wins over trust and love, contrary to how i was brought up.
Let me tell you bout the place where i worked. it is one of local NGO who is trying to be exist n riching them self after earth quake in Jogja last 2006 where all the funders suddenly, draw their eyes to JOgja. So they are un professional coz never handle this kind of project before, filled with close-related college from prevous job, dont have concept or system, for them everything is transaction. The program manager is enterpreneur, so everything is undeniably transaction to him, money money and money.
So i left, full of dignity, for i never let anyone cheat on me EVER, on any kind of condition and relation, cheating is unacceptable, period!
Am i pissed? Sure, furious!
Am i sad? Definitely, i trust him, like i trust all my college there wouldn't shut their mouth when they accept such unfair situation, coz apparently its nit juz me,,,, some people received the same treatment, cut off of salary.
Yet, the manager shut their mouth,,, no STRIKe,,, nothing.. maybe they all understand way much better than me bout safety first procedure. Safe urself 1st, then help other if u can.
So final question... do i feel betrayed? Sigh!
Bali, 6 Sept 07
15:05
Last night before I fell asleep, a question tickled my mind… what is exactly the meaning each time u say.. give us time to know each other. Whats next after u give or I giv enough time? Will it make any different?
1st
Now that u know her weakness n strengths, now that she knows u know her habit n predictable reaction, which means she can use the powerful words “this is juz me!!”, four words abreviated from“ U knew that before we decided to have relationship, this is what u’ve got.. take it or leave it?” Hah! No discussion then…then whats d use of giving time? .
2nd
Is giving d time” to know each other” ever be enough? Sure, we feel we know our partner, sometimes even thinking we know her better than we know ourselves, together making plans, feelin’ nobody understands me like the way she does, but how many relationship end-up with… “mmm we realize that we want a different things”. How can a person that u know completely, the one who meets all the qualification and u finally let her enter u’r life,wanting or doing something that wasn’t on “OUR plan”?
3rd
There u go… life is full of surprises and people change…. I
change, u change, he changes, she changes. Partner do behave like stranger., to
know each other is a life time process. And here we are, two perfect stranger… for u
havnt met me n I havnt met u, for lust has drown us on d first encounter, and
love banging at our door on the next day. .. in this fast moving world n lil
space of sanity, why questioning u r heart instead of rushing? Why denying for
what u r falling.
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